I think I’ve tried to write this entry about twelve times. I know I’ve struggled with what exactly to say and whether or not I really, truly care to say it. Writing, to me, has never been something I could treat as a chore or a listing that I must check off. It’s been a passion, a love, a friend, and until the last five years, a refuge from a lot of things I have been consistently struggling with since my last entry.
The big reason I stopped posting wasn’t for lack of ideas. It was a lack of energy. My job has become more of a time consumer in my life than ever, and I feel like I’m lost in a whirlwind of what I need to do to keep the income in because, ultimately, when you’re poor, that’s the main impetus for your life. Keep the income that keeps your life together.
To not give too many details: The company that I worked for was bought out by a bigger, global, and more successful company in the same type of “business.” They were nice: They “converted” stores rather than close or sell them, and a majority of the people who worked for the original company retained a position in the new company. But, switching companies means new rules, new hours, new job requirements, and in my case, a hell of a lot of new stress.
I spent a week fielding phone calls from corporate offices and bank customer service lines, and my own workplace in order to locate a missing fund of money (AKA my pay), I am spending nearly 3 x’s my old amount of money just trying to get to work (cause I’m the loser without the license), and I think I’ve gotten 30 hours of sleep total since October 4th.
I work three different shifts a week, which seems to be the normal for me, and I try my best to be accommodating and nice because ultimately, I know I work this because there isn’t anyone else to do it. I have about 40 people a day ask me how I like my new job, and I have to grin through explaining that it’s a lot of change. They don’t get why I’m not raving in my reviews. Maybe if I had some time to really stop, think, and contemplate, I could actually figure out how I feel. Instead, I’m busy just trying to figure out when I’m going to do laundry next, and OMG, Christmas is coming, I have gifts to buy and OMG I have no time to buy them. Thank goodness for online versions of stores. That is ONE thing not contributing to stress.
I feel backed into a corner, and I’m never at my best in these moments, and since I tend to write best when happy, writing hasn’t been a priority when not sleeping has.
Couple this with the election coming up. I’m not going to get political. I have too many friends and people I’m fans of flooding my Facebook wall with all of their opinions, whether I want them or not, and I don’t want to spend an entire post explaining why I feel the way I do. But, I will, in a few days, make a decision. I will vote. Once, I was told by a family member that she didn’t vote because, “It doesn’t matter. My vote doesn’t matter.” Sure, because of the electoral college and the basic “leaning” that states have, in some way, in NY, even if you vote Conservative, chances are you’re going Liberal as a state. But, here’s a little factoid that some might not realize:
One day, after submitting my vote for President, and reading the local paper, there was a headline that gave a listing of the votes collected in my local county, counted for President of the United States. I, and my mother, voted Democrat. It was a VERY close election, even in the conservative county. My choice, even though he didn’t win, won the county by 2 votes. 2 votes. Those two votes, those two voices, could have been mine and my mother. That made voting more real to me than anything. It can, at times, come down to a vote. Things do so all the time. One vote in a battleground state, as they call them, could decide how the state goes. One vote. As optimistic as it might make me to believe in that, being raised to believe in the United States made me be that optimistic.
So, please, if you can, do vote. Your voice can only be heard if you open your mouth. Silence isn’t winning. Silence isn’t better. You may hate your friends for filling up your walls, and blogspace with political points with their point of view, but they, at the very least, are using their voice and to get all patriotic: The fact they are even able to have a voice about such things? THAT is the essence of what is great about this country. So, vote. Speak up.
That’s as political as I EVER hope to get in this blog.
So, here’s the deal with the morose post: I’ll hope to write more. After all, the holidays are coming up, and I’m sure I’ll have funky tales to talk about. But, I did want people to know I do not intend on walking away from this blog, even if I was forced to for the past few months. Silly Saturdays will be back. Crazy midnight, 2am, 6am (and out of work!) musings will be coming. I felt I had to say something and get this all off my chest, as rambling as it might be.
See ya’ll soon. 🙂