Checkmark next to Thanksgiving. Next blank: Christmas.

26 Nov

November has been a weird month for me. Between my work driving me ever closer to a nervous breakdown, and the confusing, hectic life leading up the major holiday season, I have felt very lost and outside of time. Yes, you heard that right. I don’t feel OUT of time. I feel OUTSIDE of it.

It feels like standing in place, watching the world spin around you, and you’re aware it’s still spinning, but you don’t feel it. An hour’s passage doesn’t faze you, and it feels like a minute. You can’t keep track of what day it is. You feel small and inconsequential, not because someone called you that or because you’re just down on yourself, but that things keep moving on in their moving on in their sort of way, and you don’t feel yourself move with it.

Some of my friends and family went with the “Today, I”m thankful for” meme on Facebook, and I couldn’t participate. Mostly because I hate being beholden to think of something different for another day, even if I’m currently thankful for a million things. Part of me also wants to rebel and say, “Hey, I’m thankful EVERYDAY, not just one day or 20 some odd days in November because everyone else is doing it.” I know; I know. Everyone else feels the same. So, here’s a thought: If you do feel the same, show it. Don’t say it. Show it.

This is something I’ve tried to work on with myself. I’m not always successful with it, but I try.

I feel like if I continue, I’ll start the babble, and bore the heck out of anyone reading, so I’ll just try to finish it with a few thankful thoughts.

I’m thankful that I have a family to love, friends that deal with all my crazy, and a job that keeps the roof over my head and bills paid. I’m thankful for finding out I have friends I didn’t even know I had (and who give a crap about me), and I’m most thankful that I have a brain that has no problems, whatsoever, entertaining me in the way it always has.

Now, hopefully, next year, I can claim “a brain that always keeps on that writing task thing” as a point to be thankful for. Until then, I guess I have enough to make me happy.

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Posted by on 11/26/2012 in family


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