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Posting commencing shortly…minor hiccup in the works.

A few writing thoughts have infiltrated my brain lately, but as I’ve been dealing with a lot of family and work issues (the family issues of which I’ve attempted to write a post about 12 times. No, I’m not exaggerating. 12 is the times I’ve opened the document I started last month), I’ve been reluctant to write in a state of stress and unhappiness.

So, I’ve spent the past couple of months trying to comprehend why things work out the way they do, why I’m obsessive the way I am, and why I wrote poetry as much as I used to. I can’t say I’ve found the answers to those things, but maybe that’s the point. I am a questioning sort; what fun is it if the questions get answered?

I spent last night going through my writing files and digesting some of my poetry. This is a good and bad thing. Good because it inspires me and gives me hope that I’m not a total hack when it comes to writing. Bad in that I regret that I’ve somehow lost that momentum and inspiration I had to just write whenever the mood came upon me. Some of the last few posts here have concerned themselves with writing of the past, and I’ve longed to come up with something new, but failed.

In a couple days, I’m going to work up the courage to write about my sister. It’s not going to be easy. In fact, the last 12 times I’ve attempted to write a post before this one, I’ve ended up in tears and abandoning the document. While I think a facebook post detailing, briefly, the sentiment I feel when thinking of my sister helped say what I wanted to then, as the weather turns colder and the holidays approach, those thoughts won’t suffice. I think I will need to say what’s been swimming in my head, and here is my outlet.

The bonus in all of this comes from the fact that I had the courage to open some dusty files and have those seductive writing thoughts I pushed away. Perhaps this time I won’t lose it so quickly.

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Posted by on 11/10/2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Checkmark next to Thanksgiving. Next blank: Christmas.

November has been a weird month for me. Between my work driving me ever closer to a nervous breakdown, and the confusing, hectic life leading up the major holiday season, I have felt very lost and outside of time. Yes, you heard that right. I don’t feel OUT of time. I feel OUTSIDE of it.

It feels like standing in place, watching the world spin around you, and you’re aware it’s still spinning, but you don’t feel it. An hour’s passage doesn’t faze you, and it feels like a minute. You can’t keep track of what day it is. You feel small and inconsequential, not because someone called you that or because you’re just down on yourself, but that things keep moving on in their moving on in their sort of way, and you don’t feel yourself move with it.

Some of my friends and family went with the “Today, I”m thankful for” meme on Facebook, and I couldn’t participate. Mostly because I hate being beholden to think of something different for another day, even if I’m currently thankful for a million things. Part of me also wants to rebel and say, “Hey, I’m thankful EVERYDAY, not just one day or 20 some odd days in November because everyone else is doing it.” I know; I know. Everyone else feels the same. So, here’s a thought: If you do feel the same, show it. Don’t say it. Show it.

This is something I’ve tried to work on with myself. I’m not always successful with it, but I try.

I feel like if I continue, I’ll start the babble, and bore the heck out of anyone reading, so I’ll just try to finish it with a few thankful thoughts.

I’m thankful that I have a family to love, friends that deal with all my crazy, and a job that keeps the roof over my head and bills paid. I’m thankful for finding out I have friends I didn’t even know I had (and who give a crap about me), and I’m most thankful that I have a brain that has no problems, whatsoever, entertaining me in the way it always has.

Now, hopefully, next year, I can claim “a brain that always keeps on that writing task thing” as a point to be thankful for. Until then, I guess I have enough to make me happy.

 
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Posted by on 11/26/2012 in family

 

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